How We Handle Family Dynamics

Just thinking about writing this one makes me cringe a little. Family dynamics are hands-down, the introvert’s nightmare as a wedding coordinator. They can be hard and awkward and sometimes anxiety inducing. But everyone has them. Even on our smoothest wedding days with families that get along on both sides, there is always “that person” that at best can be described as eccentric, and at worst described as a loose cannon. 

There are a million examples that came to my head for “that person” but I don’t need to spell it out. You know who it is in your family. And if you’re one of our past brides, we know who it is too! 

Family dynamics is one of the most difficult things sometimes as a bride or groom to anticipate. You don’t know if “they” will be on their best behavior. They’re a loose cannon. A wild card. The way we navigate family dynamics is, a lot of times, one of the first questions we get asked at consultations. 

For those of you that are new here, we are Grace and Truth Weddings. We are named grace and truth for a reason. One of us has a more natural propensity towards grace, one of us has a more natural propensity towards truth. Some people label it as “too nice” or “savage” (<-- my favorite). But the reality is that when dealing with family you absolutely need both and we are the perfect, non-family buffer to put a little space between you and them and put your mind at ease leading up to and on your wedding day. We have done it all. We keep divorced parents at least 100 feet away from each other, we make sure someone doesn’t just jump into pictures, we make sure they don’t get a microphone from the DJ, we cut them off at the bar. 

The way we handle family dynamics is individual to you and your family. Every family has their stuff. Our goal is to find out what you as the bride and groom are worried about, and take that off your plate. More often than not, family members are on their best behavior on your wedding day. They are there to celebrate you, the love you share, and the excitement of the future. But in case they aren’t, we will be there!

Tips and Gratuities: The Do's and Don'ts

Tips and Gratuities can be an awkward thing when it comes to your wedding. Who is expecting one? How much should it be? Will they be offended if they don’t get one? It can be a stressful thing to think about, especially when you’re getting close and the budget is tight. 

But don’t worry! We have compiled a list of vendors and suggested amounts that you can use as a guide when thinking about tips and gratuities. 

Ceremony Vendors: 

Officiant: Always cover their travel expenses (flight/hotel etc.). Additionally, a personal note and $50-$100 gift is a nice touch depending on the relationship you have with this person.

Ceremony Musicians (if separate from reception musicians): You can tip a flat rate of 15% of the total payment, or $5-$20 per person. 

Reception Vendors:

Bartenders: Are usually tipped as a group at 15% of total liquor bill 

Catering: The headwaiter/catering manager should receive 1 - 3% of the contracted food bill. Individual waiters should each receive about $20 or more.

DJ: 15% of the total payment.

Musicians: $25 - $50 per musician. This tip is larger than the ceremony per-person because they are playing for a longer time.

Drivers or chauffeurs: 15% of the total payment.

Valet: Also tipped as a group at 15% of the total payment. 

Other Professional Services

Hair / Make-up: 20% of the fee

Florist, Photographer, Videographer, On-Site Coordinators: It is not customary to tip these vendors but we have seen an increase in these vendors being tipped so they aren’t left out. After all, it is a team effort to bring your wedding vision to life!

The Bottom Line: Tips of any amount are never expected, but always appreciated.

**Always always always make sure that the tip/gratuity is not included in your contract or invoice total!

The Pink Bride August 2019: A Debrief

Photo by Love + Legacy Studios

It’s safe to say we were both a little nervous for the Pink Bride Wedding Show a month ago. We had done the final Birmingham Bridal Show when it was still owned by Elite Events. We actually met Fred and Donna Jacob at that show, not knowing they were looking to buy it and come into the Birmingham market from Tennessee. Through our last two years of business we have had to do a lot of soul searching to find what is best for us. We have found individually and as business partners that the Lord doesn’t often call us to choose between good or bad decisions. That sometimes we have to find the differences between better and best. This was the case in several areas of our business. It was a little nerve wracking to pursue something and not have it work out for one reason or another. But through it all we were convinced the Lord was shutting doors and opening others and very clearly showing us what we should be doing and affirming us along the way. 

As we prepared for the Pink Bride show we felt it necessary and the right time to rebrand and re-structure G&T. This consisted of late night commutes and conversations about where we see G&T going, our now two (plus) years of experience, and what we could change to make our vision become a reality. Ally and her husband came up with a vision for our booth at the Pink Bride that really captured our new and improved style and motif. They worked tirelessly to make a killer booth that we both love and feel really captures the essence of what we want our brides to feel. 

Ally and I process stress a lot differently than each other. Which is good. Because if we both processed the same way then we would be stressed at the same time. Ally gets stressed out further from an event. In the planning stages I would say. Leading up to weddings she gets amped up weeks out which drives us to make the timelines, over communicate with vendors, and our brides/families/bridal parties. Jourdan gets stressed closer to the event. Like probably right before and during. On wedding days this drives us to get where we need to be with whom we need to be with and doing what we need to do. Our differences are what make us a great team. 

It was no different leading up to and during the bridal show. It came to a head about an hour before the doors opened. We were both feeling the pressure for it to be a success. So we decided to pray. We prayed that the Lord would make our path clear and affirm our passion and the road we had decided to pursue. 

It’s no surprise that He provided. We met brides that we loved and instantly connected with. We booked a few contracts and made connections with some cool vendors. It’s always interesting to see exactly how the Lord provides and affirms you. We are just grateful that this time, it happened in a way that was undeniable and clear. 

We had a great show and we look forward to seeing you on January 19, 2020!

Why Do We Make a Timeline?

We love/hate wedding day timelines. Jourdan loves putting them together because her OCD brain loves to see all the nitty gritty details nice and color coded. But we know that in reality, the big day isn’t going to go minute to minute exactly how we wrote it out. So why do we spend the time to make one?

We make a timeline so that the lines of communication between us and the client, and us and vendors, us and your family, us and your bridal party (and so on) gets opened early and remains open through our planning process and into the rehearsal and wedding day.

We ride the balance of knowing what all is going on and having a plan for the perfect day and knowing that life happens, stuff comes up. People get stuck in traffic, the weather changes, technology may or may not work. We roll with the punches. It’s so that we through the planning process we can ask pertinent questions that come to mind so we aren’t running around clueless on wedding day. It’s so we have a plan and an idea of where we need to be and who we can check in with and how things should be going. It’s not a militaristic minute-to-minute-or-else plan. 

It’s a guideline for the day that we create and send (to vendors, family, bridal party and so on) to use as a tool as we all work in tandem to execute your wedding day.  

It’s so you don’t have to worry about the details because we have already thought of it and have a back up plan. It’s so you don’t have to worry about who is lighting the candles in the centerpieces at the reception. It’s so you don’t have to worry at all; because you have us. Because we want to advocate for you. And being your advocate means we talk about all these things beforehand so your wedding day is as enjoyable and easy breezy as possible.

What Exactly Do We Do?

It’s a question we get asked probably more than you would think. And it’s a good one! 

“What exactly do you do?” 

The answer a lot of times is what you would think. We execute weddings. But we don’t JUST execute weddings. We help prepare you and your fiancé for one of the single most memorable and overwhelming days of your life. Not only do we help to prepare you mentally for what the day is going to be like, we spend your wedding day advocating for your vision to make those months of planning worthwhile.

Still feel a little ambiguous? Here’s just a few of the things we have done for brides before the big day:

-consultation to evaluate your wedding day needs

-individual quote based on your needs

-vendor recommendations

-vendor liaison

-prevent panic attacks

-timeline creation 

-venue walk through

-venue layouts and diagram

- at least 2 in-person planning meetings

-rehearsal direction

If that still isn’t enough to convince you, here are a few things we do/have done on wedding days:

-Make sure hair/makeup are on schedule

-check in with vendors

-fluff your dress for the first look

-set up and move guest book for ceremony and reception

-hold details for the photographer

-set centerpieces for the reception

-stand behind draping to cue the musician

-sew up a busted bridesmaid dress

-set up hot chocolate bars for a cold winter’s night

-get the littles down the aisle

-reapply lipstick before your grand entrance

-cue musicians for processional, recessional, and first dances

-exchange rental shoes for the correct size

-coordinate getaway car

-light sparklers and pass out exit favors

We make sure those tiny but significant details are where they should be

So, when are we grabbing coffee to talk about how we can make your dream wedding a reality?

What It's Like to Be a Wedding Planner in The Wedding Party

What is it like to be a wedding planner in a wedding party?

In a word: exhausting

I had the distinct privilege of being Matron of Honor to one of my longest and best friends in May. We are practically sisters and I love her with all my heart. I would (and do) bend over backwards to do anything she asks of me. So when she asked me to be her matron of honor and asked if we could help her execute her dream day my mouth said this:

“YES YES A THOUSAND TIMES YES ABSOLUTELY NO PROBLEM THAT WILL BE SO EASY.”

My mind said 

“That sounds like it could be difficult”

And it was. But I wouldn’t have had it any other way. 

Honestly I think it did great things for me professionally to experience things from both sides. I haven’t been in a wedding since we started Grace and Truth. And I’ve only ever been in one other one ever. So to experience the planning process as matron of honor and be able to advocate as her wedding planner was so fun! It was all the fun of helping your best friend plan a wedding with all the perks of doing it professionally. I felt like I could make worthwhile contributions and suggestions, meanwhile having complete faith that we would have the day under control and could execute her vision. 

The planning and meetings weren’t the hard part. The wedding day was the hard part. If only Ally had tried to warn me about that. 

(spoiler: she did. She tried. She tried real hard. And I still wasn’t prepared)

All day I was looking at the timeline and wondering if the vendors were on time and how the flowers looked and if family pictures were going according to schedule. 

Did they get all the pictures she wanted? 

Are the groomsmen dressed?

How does the cake look?

Is the guest book set up right?

I had all the thoughts and worries of a planner but I couldn’t do anything about it. I needed to be getting my own hair and makeup done! I needed to be enjoying the day with my best friend. And I could not be more grateful that Ally was in her corner all day while I was sipping mimosas and singing Jonas Brothers songs in the top of a barn.

And I’m not just doing a shameless plug here. I’m being totally honest when I tell you that for every stray thought or worry I had, I knew that Ally and Sherrie had it totally under control. While my mind was going ninety to nothing I actually wasn’t stressed about any of it.

The peace of mind that came with knowing we had gone over all the details with the bride and the family really made all the difference in the world as a member of the bridal party. We all had our timelines and we knew exactly what we needed to do. Ally and Sherrie executed the Bride’s vision seamlessly and made executive decisions when it was required. As a member of a bridal party I got to watch my best friend get ready and become a wife and not be worried about a single thing. It was exactly the day she wanted and I couldn’t be more grateful to have been there as a friend and as part of her planning team to see it all come together.

Our Favorite 2019 Trend!

We have only been in the business for a couple of years, but we got married (not that long ago) too. And honestly, wedding trends set a lot of design and event trends so we love keeping up with what’s new! We love all the modern trends of blush accents, and simple yet elegant greenery arrangements. But there is one thing that has stuck out to both of us this past year. 

We all know the saying:

Something Old

Something New

Something Borrowed

Something Blue

It’s one of those Southern things that we don’t think is going anywhere. We have seen some really adorable ways to get creative with this deep south tradition. But this particular something blue we have seen time and again has us swooning. 

Blue. shoes. 

We have seen the dreamiest Badgley Mischkas, the sweetest kitten heel in baby blue suede, and the most royal of blue classic pump. It’s a unique way to incorporate your something blue and keep your individual style. And did we mention you get the BEST detail shots? 

Check out these detail shots from our friends and write this one down to keep in your back pocket for your own big day!

Happy Second Birthday, G&T!

It’s officially been 2 years since we incorporated Grace and Truth Weddings. In some ways it feels like a different lifetime, in other ways it feels like the blink of an eye.

We have been through pregnancies, births, deaths, celebrations, mournings, encouraging times, discouraging times, and many more emotions. I guess that’s part of why it feels like a long time ago. This was a huge leap of faith for us and we have experienced just about every emotion on the spectrum, multiple times, in our two little years of business.

Two years seems insignificant in the world of success and business, and sometimes we fall prey to playing the comparison game. If you’re in the Birmingham area, you know that there are so many wedding planners to choose from. And they’re all amazing. Eye-catching instagram feeds, modern and chic websites, testimonials and relationships with every venue and vendor. They seem to have it all, and here we are. Just starting out, still trying to find our voice, still building relationships. In all these ways it feels like we haven’t made any progress.

But then we sit and we reflect and we talk about all the things we have learned. And I’m always surprised at how far we’ve come. We’ve made mistakes, we’ve had lessons learned, and we grew from it. And that’s how I know one day we will make it. You can’t go into a new adventure thinking you’ll land on your feet every single time. Sometimes you fall flat on your face. I guess that’s one of the perks of working with your best friend. You don’t have to get back up on your own. You always have someone to look at, laugh with, get back up with, and make a plan to go forward.

We’ve learned lots of practical things like what to add and take out of our emergency kit. We’ve also learned real things. Things about the way our industry works, and about working with people, and about working with each other.

1. Never underestimate yourself. {she says as she underestimates herself}. Really though. I think we have both learned that under pressure we can do whatever we have to do. I’ve slid in between closing elevator doors like Indiana Jones on the run from a mummy. Ally has stood in between two lines of sparklers with a lighter in each hand like a true pyromaniac. And afterwards, if you look at our apple watch, it would show you that we each died for a little bit because those things terrify us. This entire starting a business and working hard and being a mom and hoping it all works out thing is like standing in the elevator door with your eyes closed and walking through sparklers with a can of hairspray. But we want it bad. And we are going to make it happen.

2. Over communicate.  If you have to think about whether or not you have communicated, you probably haven’t. There is really no such thing as over-communication. This is something we each learned from being married first I think. Granted, it’s a little different asking someone to fold the laundry and take out the trash than making sure every vendor has a timeline and is on the same page. But the principle still applies. The more you communicate, the more people communicate back. This applies to literally every aspect of what we do. We have to communicate with brides, parents, bridal parties, vendors, and each other. Thank goodness there’s two of us because between emails, texts, timelines, Marco Polos, and then husbands and toddlers in the background we could easily end up in the loony bin. But we have finally found our groove and we have a system of communicating with each other that helps us to communicate with others. Each of our prior job experiences has equipped us for this. Ally hates emails. She prefers talking to people in person. I much prefer emails and never make a phone call unless completely necessary. Every lesson we have learned just affirms the way we work together.

3. Be kind.  Honestly, it’s not too much to ask. But the truth is that some people can be hard to work with. Not everyone always jives. People have different ideas, different perspectives, different ways of communicating. It’s not bad. It’s what makes us all unique and our own perspectives are all valuable and what makes us all come together to make beautiful wedding days. We love getting to talk with different florists, photographers, and videographers. They each have their own perspective and artistic vision. We have a certain way that we like to do things as individuals and as a team. Do we agree on everything all the time? Absolutely not. But when we communicate our perspectives and thoughts in a kind way, we have a discourse and come to an agreement every time. There has never been an unsolvable problem.

Here’s to two more years of learning hard lessons and growing into real business people. Happy Birthday, Grace and Truth!